Writing this book has been a difficult task – its caused me to rehash a lot of emotions and really dig into how I feel about my diagnosis. But, even though it was difficult – it’s not half as difficult as thinking about what will happen after the book is published.
What if no one likes it?
What if all of my reviews are bad?
What if I help absolutely no one on their journey?
WHAT IF I FAIL?
These negative thoughts can weigh you down and eat at your very existence. Although I struggle to keep on the positive perspective of writing the book and the blog – part of me is always terrified of failure. But today, well today I’m attempting to approach this from another perspective. This time, with a little help from Mary Fran (aka FrannyCakes) new website – the Chronic Positivity Project. Her latest entry rocks.
So when I thought about how many books I wanted to order for myself, instead of being overwhelmed with the thought that I might die alone, crushed by the weight of my unsold books collecting dust on the shelves, with cats slowly eating away at my body – I WAS AWESOME INSTEAD.
I thought of one of my favorite scenes from the movie TROOP BEVERLY HILLS. Now, if you grew up in the late 80’s early 90’s like I did, hopefully you remember this gem of a movie. Well, I thought about the part where Troop Beverly Hills is ordering their boxes of cookies for the season.
(CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO OPEN IN YOUTUBE)
I’m going to pull a Troop Beverly Hills and order a ton of books. Seriously. And I have full faith that I will sell them all and they will be amazing and people will love them. Granted, they are not Thin Mints, but I am loving what I wrote and I am so proud of myself.
I am learning not to let fear and anxiety ruin my happiness. I won’t let it ruin this milestone for me. This is all me, and all awesome.
YOU ARE AWESOME!
And don’t you forget it!
And, everyone is going to love this darn book. Because you are awesome. So clearly, the book is going to be awesome.
(And I am glad my pep talk to myself was useful for you too!)
This just brought me to tears…yes i’m sentimental and sappy and i cry at anything where the underdog is about to take on the world…and YES I’M AWESOME!!!
Seriously, I popped over here to look for something very specific and then I found this post and was drawn in by the fact that you were about to talk about emotions and true feelings about yourself (note the sentiment from above)…and it made me smile.
You are real Erica Dermer, you are honest and blunt, sometimes* cynical and sarcastic (haha cough) but always yourself – never holding back an opinion or a compliment!
I respect what you do, and what you’re doing…and it’s a big deal to jump off a ledge…your stomach jumps to your throat and it’s hard to swallow and your palms get sweaty (as well as other areas) and you hyperventilate, and then you realize that you’re following your dreams and instead of falling you fly.
And yes i realize it’s goofy that i’m speaking metaphorically, and i fully anticipate you laughing at me and my silliness right now…but you know what?! You’re doing what millions of others wish they had the balls to do (not necessarily writing a book, but working for themselves, being their own boss) so not only are you a Celiac inspiration and WILL help at least “two-thousand” people on their journey :)…but there’s this whole other nugget of inspiration that has nothing to do with your official diagnosis that I see.
And being so real, and so you, here in this post and everyday is what inspires us…we’re all regular peeps with these dreams – and to watch someone else do the thing we want to do, and STILL be scared and a little doubtful…and play the What If game (which by the way is an awful little game…don’t ever play it) is what is TRULY inspiring.
So ROCK ON with your AWESOMENESS and order those 2000 books (metaphorically speaking) – I hope you order lots more than that…and know that the world supports you, even people that don’t even know you yet!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!
Wow Erica!! I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to read this post! There are so many time I feel alone in this journey that is a gluten-free lifestyle. I’m in a very similar place with putting together/finalizing my book proposal and I’ve been so incredibly negative – and forget the book, just having to deal with my body failing me more and more recently has not been fun and I don’t always want to talk about it, or me!
Thank you for being brave and sharing your experience, thank you Mary Fran for starting the awesome http://chronicpositivityproject.com/ – You women inspire me!
That movie is awesome, and I believe that you can sell every book you order. Be you. Be awesome. Just keep swimming! Keep on truckin’! Keep on keepin’ on! All those encouraging phrases. 🙂